Questions To Ask on A First Date: Easy Conversation Starters
Meeting someone for the first time on a date is a nerve-wracking feeling. The first impression you have of someone can make or break the potential future of a relationship. And the best way to get to know someone is by asking meaningful conversations that can tell you what you want to know.
They help you figure out if you want to hang out with that person again or if you’ve reached the end of the line. Here’s a list of questions to ask on a first date if you’re looking for ways to initiate a conversation.
• Ice Breakers
Even if you’ve texted or talked on the phone to someone before, it may be a little tough to predict if you’ll have the same energy on a date in person.
The best way to start a conversation is by using a simple icebreaker. If you’ve met them on a dating profile, you can start by asking them about something specific on their dating profile. Open-ended generic questions like “Are you a cat or a dog person?” are also a great idea to understand someone’s preferences.
Here are some examples of ice-breakers:
#1. What has been your favorite vacation to date?
#2. What was your most embarrassing date?
#3. Do you prefer tea or coffee?
#4. What are your music preferences?
• Work Questions
Work can form a large part of most people’s lives. To understand a typical day in the life of your date, you could ask them questions about their work. Chances are, they may be working somewhere quite intriguing.
You can then further dive into questions about their work life. You can ask the following questions to get to know their work better:
#1. What are you most proud of in your career?
#2. What are your work hours like?
#3. Why did you choose your field of work?
#4. What are your co-workers like?
Make sure you don’t sound like a job interviewer while asking these questions; the last thing your date would want is an interrogation!
• Personality Questions
One of the most attractive things about someone that can get you hooked is their personality. Why not try asking a few questions about things you’re curious about?
You may want to do this preferably while nursing a drink or two, as personal conversations flow a little more freely with some liquid courage. Here are some questions to get you started:
#1. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
#2. What are your pet peeves?
#3. What fictional character do you relate to the most?
#4. What were you like as a kid?
#5. What is your MBTI/ zodiac?
You can also ask them to throw in a few random facts about themselves.
Questions like these will prompt them to blurt out interesting or amusing things they’ve done.
• Family Questions
There’s quite the debate on whether asking questions about family is appropriate during the first date. Some people aren’t too keen on it as family can be a sensitive topic and can lead to some intense conversations, or might even be triggering for some.
It’s better to tread lightly with this one. Cursory questions like the following should be enough:
#1. Who do you live with?
#2. How are your parents doing?
#3. How many siblings do you have?
#4. Have you got any pets?
Unless your date is comfortably dishing out details about a family recipe or a drunk relative’s shenanigans, a minimal number of simple, non-invasive questions is the way to go.
• Questions About Values
It isn’t just someone’s looks and achievements that are relevant but also the principles they live by.
Enquiring about their values might seem old school, but understanding your date’s morals will help you figure out if they’re someone you want to be around. For instance, you may want their views on honesty and respect to align with yours.
And while it is often considered tacky to discuss politics on the first date, today’s generation is not hesitant to ask questions about what matters the most. Here’re some questions that may be relevant to you:
#1. Are you a feminist? (They better say yes.)
#2. What is your political alignment?
#3. What values do you hold most dear?
#4. What’s the best advice anyone has ever given you?
#5. Who is your role model/inspiration?
Aligned values and morals are quite the matchmakers, too!
• Questions About Passions and Hobbies
One way to get your date raving about something is by asking them questions about their passions. It’s quite the experience to watch someone in their element, animatedly discussing an activity or cause they are fond of.
Who knows, you may even have matching interests with the person opposite to you! That’s extra fodder for conversation. They may be a paramedic and you may be a professor, but what’s to stop you from bonding over a great night of karaoke if you both love singing?
#1. Do you prefer the indoors or the outdoors?
#2. What’s the most recent book you’ve read?
#3. What is your Netflix comfort movie/show?
#4. What do you do to unwind after a long day?
• Relationship Questions
There are different reasons for people to date.
Some people like the thrill and possibilities that come with meeting someone new, some people like the flirting and the attention, and some people are looking for The One.
All of the above are perfectly valid reasons to date. But, it can get a little tricky if two people are on a date without knowing exactly what the other person wants from the equation.
Knowing what your date is expecting will help you understand if the person is worth your time and energy.
#1. Are you looking for a casual relationship?
#2. Have you got any plans to settle down?
#3. Are you into monogamy or polygamy?
#4. What are your sexual preferences?
#5. Have you got any kids?
If you’re the kind of person who wants the whole “married with a white picket fence” package, you may want to drop a hint about wanting a commitment.
Jaime Bronstein, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of The Relationship Expert, asserts that it’s not a good sign if your date can’t list out the qualities they want in a person, as that indicates a lack of maturity or self-awareness.
• Questions About Future Plans
We may never know what opportunities life will throw our way. But almost all of us have certain goals we want to achieve, preferably with the support and encouragement of a loved one.
If you have serious plans about wanting a family, let them know! Or, if you’re the kind who puts their career first, or want nothing to do with marriage or children in the future, you may want to reveal that, too. It may seem too forward, but hey, time is precious, and so is your heart.
Ask them their ideas about the future, with questions like:
#1. Where do you plan to live?
#2. Who do you want to be once you’re settled?
#3. What kind of a life do you see for yourself?
#4. When would you want to retire?
• Sexuality Questions
This is a mandatory line of questioning that you’re going to want to ask your date, even if you don’t plan on seeing them again.
In fact, this should be one of the first questions you must ask in order to make them feel comfortable. To ask questions about their sexuality also involves understanding their gender identity and expression. These are a few basic things to ask:
#1. What are your pronouns?
#2. What is your sexual orientation?
#3. What does sexual intimacy mean to you?
#4. What is your gender identity?
It’s 2021, and we’re past the man-woman binary now. Address your date according to their preferences, should they choose to reveal details to you.
Ask for further details in a respectful manner. The dynamics of your equation with them depend on both of your sexual preferences. They may be bisexual or may already be in a polyamorous relationship. They may even be aromantic or asexual.
All of these details are necessary to figure out how you and your date would be moving forward.
• Now It’s Your Turn
Regardless of who asked whom out, it is important that the both of you share details about yourselves with each other.
A healthy exchange of ideas and opinions can help build a tentative equation that can act as the foundation for whatever happens next. But, here’s the kicker: if your date is quite chatty while answering questions about themselves and doesn’t pay attention to what you have to say, you may want to step back.
All equations should be built on mutual respect!
A Few Parting Words
Going on a first date can be an interesting experience that can lead you to meet either the love of your life, or your future best friend, or a great hookup or someone you never want to be around again.
This arsenal of questions to ask on a first date will ensure that you don’t run out of conversation material while having a great time!